All my teachers friends went back to school yesterday as my old district started the term with two in service days. Students start back Monday with just freshmen, which I always taught. Today, I went out to Margarita's after school with most of my former department plus a few extras (history teachers, guidance counselor). Due to where the empty seat was at the table when I arrive and where a high chair would most logically fit, I wound up to another mom with a 15 month old (baby wasn't with her though). We mostly discussed mom things, and I felt a real disconnect both physically and mentally from the rest of the table.
Oh, I miss back to school!
True, it was always annoying how early Walmart had to set up the school supplies, but I love the school supplies. There is something about rows of pens, Crayola markers, and colorfully covered notebooks that is ever so appealing. I could easily spend a shopping spree in Staples just for myself, not even including the awesome supplies for students. I loved getting my catalogs with posters and bulletin board themes in the mail. I'd circle everything I want, then go back through narrowing it down to a more realistic total. I loved going to Staples and browsing the teacher section, contemplating buying the colored copy paper, and looking at all the fabulously colored pens and post-its.
I also loved getting a new planner and filling it in. Looking over the student names and writing them on place cards. Writing and rewriting my plans for the first month, moving each part of the lessons around to adapt to half days, pep rallies, and extended homeroom.
I loved my classroom. I could easily waste hours creating bulletin board displays recommending books. My favorite last year as a reference book section I started highly things such as literary term dictionaries, writing guides, or books designed to give support on an author or time period. I spent so much time organizing all my handouts at the beginning of each year. Sending my copies to be made early, color coding them, lining the up for use. Actually, I loved organizing my room on a daily basis. It was a therapeutic way to end my day. Erase the board and write the next day's agenda, straighten the desks, pick up the pens off the floor, straighten the books, clean up my desk.
I loved my content, too, for the most part. Huck Finn (Mike would not allow me to name our daughter Emmeline). To Kill A Mockingbird. The Great Gatsby. My free reading program last year. And I didn't just love teaching novels. I liked teaching about essay structure, citing sources, note taking, literary terms. It was so fun when I looped sophomores and got to show them the next step after teaching freshmen for the same things for four years.
I loved the excitement of a new group of students. (Looking at their names and wondering what they will be like. Where I taught freshmen level courses exclusively except for one class one year, when I saw a familiar name, it was always a student who had failed). Starting over fresh and getting to try everything over again. In fact, the ability to always try something again and improve on it was one of my ultimate favorite things about teaching. September was really my New Years.
Really what I didn't like about teaching was discipline and the time it took me to grade so many papers. It also sucked to drive to and from work in the dark, and getting up at 530 on a winter morning, but lots of people have to deal with that sort of thing.
I do worry that I will be out of touch in many ways when I return to teaching. I will need to take one course to keep my certification. I have fears that I will mess this up somehow. Not that I'll fail the course, but that I will forget to take it, take something that doesn't qualify, or mess up the paperwork or dates. But other than just my certification, I worry that I'll be out of touch after being out of teaching for years.
I wonder if I will return to my previous school. Already, in the year I've been gone three teachers have left my old department (two asked to leave and one changed subjects) resulting in three new teachers (my friend took my position), a new librarian, a new secretary at the front desk (which is a big deal in a school) and a new principal on the way. That is a lot of change for one year. I can't even imagine how different the culture of the school will be by the time I am ready to return. I've gone back to the school several times to visit, and thus far they've been accepting of this. I always ask if I need to wear a visitor's pass, and the answer was always, no. But how much longer will that last? How long until they wonder why I keep returning? How long should I return? There are only two years of students who even had the opportunity to know me now left in the building, and my working relationship with most of the staff has lapsed.
I also worry that I will be out of touch with my content having been away from it for so long, but I don't thing that will be as big of a problem as being out of touch with new trends. I have so many education books on my to-read list, yet I haven't read one since I finished my masters. I am hoping that this blog will help inspire me to read and then write about some of those texts. Maybe I'll try starting with some that are more broad- philosphical rather than the practical application you want when in the classroom.
Don't get me wrong. I am very happy to be home with Natalie. I really can't imagine her at day care for this first year and the next few to come. I am sure that being a parent will give me a lot of insight into my teaching, even if it is just through watching a child learn and understanding how to talk to parents better. But, I am starting to feel like I wish there was a little more I could do. This conflicts with our plans for our second child of course, because anything I start now would have to end when that next child arrives. That's why something small like reading would be nice, but I've also toyed with the idea of seeing if I could somehow volunteer for our school district. I've hesitated because I'm not sure if there is anything I could do given my lack of a baby sitter. It would need to be something I could do with Natalie in tow, at home, or in the evenings after Natalie is asleep.
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